It’s been five weeks since I last saw my husband. Parenting alone for five weeks, sleeping in a bed by myself for five weeks—it’s not easy to feel cherished when you’re 10,000 miles away from your love.

My husband is a Marine. Since my son was born in April 2016, we’ve been together as a family for approximately 8 months, which, to save you from having to do the math yourself, is half my son’s short life. It’s been unaccompanied schooling, training mission after training mission after training mission, and endless field ops. The result is many days, sometimes weeks, of not hearing from him. When I do hear from him, it’s usually only a text or two because he has to rush on to his next task or has terrible service out in the middle of who-knows-where except for that one time I got a Skype call. Oh, and while he was traveling internationally we got him an unlimited phone plan so he could call home and even though we only managed 28 minutes of talk time over a month and a half, it still somehow cost us over $200. 

The price of connection for us has been high recently, both financially and emotionally. The world doesn’t make it easy and the military makes it even harder. 

Our time zones are 15 hours apart, we’re both constantly exhausted, and we don’t have the internet or cell reception to make even a simple phone call work. There’s a lot stacked against us, and yet when I think about my husband, I don’t feel distant or emotionally detached. 

I feel cherished. 

Here I want to share with you 10 ways my husband has cherished me in hopes it will encourage you to look for ways you are also cherished by your spouse, dear friend. The world no longer prioritizes marriages and focusing on the blessings takes every measure of intentionally. 

1. Yesterday I woke up to the sweetest message that said he didn’t have time to write much but he just wanted to make sure he told me that he loved me. When he said he doesn’t have much time it probably means he had 2 minutes in between jumping out of a Humvee and raiding a mock village with his team. I didn’t expect to hear from him for another week so I appreciated his thoughtful message during one of the rare times he could get cell reception. 
2. He encourages to me to pursue my passions. Pre-mom days, that was working as a barista and going through NROTC, but then baby happened so now it’s starting my business and blogging. Anything I need as I’m getting my business going—he’s right behind me encouraging me to go for it. It’s been a big financial sacrifice for him too. He even encourages my more lame passions such as parking myself in front of America’s Got Talent on Tuesday nights and eating too many cupcakes from our local bakery. 
3. Speaking of America’s Got Talent, he watched it with me weekly when he was home. Two hours, every single week. He said he does it just to laugh at the lame auditions but I know he really wants to spend the time with me doing something I enjoy. I promise, there are a million things he would rather do on Tuesday night than this, but who knows? Maybe he secretly enjoys it too.  
4. He handles food on weekends. Saturday morning, instead of sleeping in, he spends hours creating the most fantastic breakfasts. He watches our son while I sleep in or get to take the longest shower ever (alone) and when breakfast is done it’s already time for the morning nap so Hubby and I can eat in peace. It’s a glorious Saturday tradition. 
5. He takes me to church on Sundays. This is not something I take for granted because I have many friends who beg their husbands to take them to church on Easter or Christmas and they won’t even go then. As a follower of Christ, it’s important to my husband. Even after an insanely busy week when he can hardly get out of bed, he goes because he wants to spiritually lead our family. 
6. When he goes grocery shopping, he comes back with our favorite snacks so we can have a mini date after our son goes to bed. One night he came back with all sorts of chocolate and gourmet cheese and it was the best night ever. 
7. He does the fancy bath thing with the candles and the essential oils without me even asking. On a regular basis. 
8. He trusts me with decisions about our family’s health. Realistically, he doesn’t have time to research pediatricians and essential oils and vaccines—some of the issues he trusts me with are issues that could cost lives if decided on prematurely. His trust makes me feel cherished. 
9. He spends his evenings with us. While this might seem like an obvious one, it’s not when you work as hard as our service members do. He could sprawl out on the couch with video games or hole up in his office or go out with his buddies but he doesn’t. Wives, we take a lot of effort. When our husbands choose to spend time with us they have to turn on their brains and focus on our emotional cues. My husband is honest about often “not feeling like it” when he’s dead tired, but he does. One day he worked from 5am to 11pm and had to be back at work at 2am and he did the hour of driving to come home and spend two hours with me because he cherishes time with me. 
10. He has opinions on my fashion choices. How does that show he cherishes me? Well, let me tell you, trying to guess what he wants me to wear on a date or if he likes my new dress is not fun. Him having no opinion on how I look is even less fun. Instead, he chooses clothes for me that he likes and he knows I’ll like and then he showers me in compliments. One time he stood outside the Kohl’s dressing room for an hour while I tried on multiple outfits and he gave me his opinions on each one. This might not be important for everyone but I think it’s awesome. 

Is that every way he cherishes me? Of course not. But it is 10 meaningful ways. Some might be simple, but it doesn’t matter—my husband cherishes me in the big and the small ways and I try (but often fail) to appreciate every one. 

I need to take the time to focus on how my husband loves me just as much as the next wife. Especially as a military spouse, this is how to intentionally avoid temptation during times of loneliness and resentment towards what my husband does. 

Really, it’s as simple as counting your blessings. It’s not easy being married, regardless of what side you’re on. I’m thankful for how my husband cherishes me and gratitude is the best antidote to cynicism—a struggle many wives, especially military wives and stay at home moms, face daily. 

Today I challenge you to write down 10 ways your husband cherishes you. Every husband has areas to improve, same as every wife, and it’s far easier to focus on those things. 

But don’t. Be intentional about focusing on the good. 

And then consider writing down 10 ways you can cherish your husband. That’s my next task for tonight. 

Live brilliantly, dear friends. Love brilliantly, in a way the world says makes no sense but Jesus empowers us to do through grace. And remember, you are cherished above all else by God—the only One who loves wholly. No one has ever loved as brilliantly as Christ, and he is your perfect example.