Let’s chat about an issue that many wives like to pretend doesn’t exist–low libido.
Husbands, this can be for you too. High schoolers, unmarried folks, and those who feel uncomfortable at the mention of the “s” word, feel free to move along. This post is not for you.
But my tribe is young mamas, and mamas battling with hormones and postpartum recovery and little hands that are always grabbing often crawl into bed at the end of the night and close their eyes, desperately hoping he doesn’t reach out.
I’m so tired. It hurts so bad. I’ve literally been touched all day–I can’t deal with any more.
It’s not a personal thing against your husband but it’s a very real struggle that many spouses deal with, especially when pregnant or after kids. Of course it’s not a challenge for all mamas, but enough have come to me asking for suggestions and sharing their pain and struggles that I know low libido is not a battle anyone is fighting alone.
It’s real and it’s normal and you can win. It won’t always be this way.
You always want to start with communication. Low libido can lead to serious pain in a marriage when one spouse feels rejected or the other feels desperate looking for ways to escape or simply heartbroken they don’t feel the same, and unless you honestly communicate your struggle, it will lead to feelings of rejection or pressure.
Honest communication can help lead to understanding, and it’s invaluable. It can hurt, but it is vital. Thankfully, it’s also not all that you can do. There is more! I’m not a counselor or an expert by any means; I’m just a friend who has learned a thing or two about how two of my favorite subjects–food and essential oils–can help you not dread getting between the sheets. I mean, with Valentine’s Day in two days, how could I not share? Special thanks to Julissa from Shari’s Berries who shared the following fantastic information on sexy foods to get you in the mood. All italicized quotations pertaining to sexy foods are hers!
I’m hungry, so let’s chat food first, shall we?
Let me take a wild guess and assume that on your first date you tried to avoid greasy, dripping, spaghetti and that giant meatball sandwich that, while it looked delicious, you knew would fall apart all over your lap. Why did you do that? Perhaps you knew these foods would leave you neither looking nor feeling sexy. Part of being in a romantic relationship is attraction, and especially in the first flutterings of a budding romance, we want to act attractively. Not spilling giant meatball sandwiches all over your lap will help. However, did you know there’s also certain foods that can help your partner be physiologically sexually attracted to you? These are called aphrodisiacs. Save the big guns for marriage, folks, but then go crazy.
Shared from Shari’s Berries:
“What is an aphrodisiac?
Named after the god of love, Aphrodite, an aphrodisiac is a food or drug that arouses erotic instinct, induces desire, or increases pleasure or performance. These substances can be from plants, animals, or minerals and can be traced back to early civilizations and cultures…
…Aphrodisiacs can be classified under three categories: those that increase potency, libido, or pleasure. While there are differing enzymes and vitamins that have different effects, the goal is similar–heighten the romantic experience.”
If you’re struggling with low libido, the following list of foods can help. Scientists haven’t come to a conclusion on whether or not these foods significantly boost libido or if the heightened desire is the result of the placebo effect, but ladies–it certainly will do you no harm to try. Check out the full post on 26 aphrodisiac foods to boost your romance from Shari’s Berries at this link. I’ll just be sharing six of my favorites, plus a few fantastic graphics with all 26 foods here.
Avocados
There’s something luxurious about the richness (and cost!) of an avocado. It gets its name from the Aztec word that translates into the shape it resembles when it is grown in pairs, if ya know what I mean, and it contains high levels of vitamin E, which can help promote “youthful vigor and energy levels.”
Cherries
Doesn’t red just scream passion to you? “Cherries have been said to boost pheromone production and promote healthy blood flow, both of which are great for your love life.” Pheromones are chemicals (often associated with smells) created and secreted by animals which affect the behavior of other animals, and while not all pheromones affect sexual behavior, it is believed that some do. In other words, if you and your husband eat cherries, it could cause you both to release chemicals into the air. Your olfactory receptors can receive the signals from said chemicals and it will make you want each other like that.
Chocolate
First let’s mention the obvious: chocolate makes you happy. Chocolate fixes everything. When you are tired and worn down and just want to be left alone, chocolate is the answer, the righter of all wrongs. Part of this is that it’s darn delicious, but wait–there’s more! “Science validates its reputation, as it contains chemicals known to boost arousal. Tryptophan, a building block of serotonin (the feel good chemical), can be found in cocoa, as well as phenylethylamine, a stimulant related to amphetamine. Both chemicals are released when a human is in love!”
Cinnamon
When I think of cinnamon, I think of hot chai spiced lattes and apple crumbles and spiced ciders. Just the thought of cinnamon makes me feel cosy and warm and it’s no wonder–“While its aroma promotes relaxation, it also boasts anti-viral properties and might even be able to control blood pressure and improve alertness.” Mommy brain and lack of sleep can decimate alertness and kids can spike blood pressure so let’s all just agree that cinnamon can benefit our love lives greatly. My personal favorite way to use cinnamon is to add it to anything apple or caramel, but a dash is also wonderful in chili or with coffee.
Pomegranate
This is perhaps one of the most well-known aphrodisiacs, and whenever I pick one up at the grocery store my husband shoots me a mischievous look. There’s a scientific reason this food can put you in the mood. “A small study by Queen Margaret University in Edinburgh found that consuming pomegranate juice lowered cortisol levels (the stress hormone). This is known to correspond with increased testosterone in men and women, which helps increase vitality.”
Vanilla
Shari’s Berries says it best: “Taste and smell are large parts of the reason vanilla is seductive, as its odor is known to reduce drowsiness, increase muscular energy, improve circulation, stimulate arousal, decrease stress and have a euphoric effect on the brain.” Drowsiness is a fantastic libido killer, as is when all your muscles are completely exhausted from a day of cleaning, cooking, chasing, and lugging children around on your hip. But say vanilla combats those two things, plus helps you feel relaxed and aroused. You’ll probably be a lot more open to a little something-something happening, right? And when it does, improved circulation will make it feel a whole lot better. I would venture to say vanilla is a pretty much a one hit wonder–just make sure it’s the real stuff, not anything imitation.
Now let’s chat essential oils and how they can help you in the sexy time department.
Remember, it’s vital that you use quality essential oils, especially if you’re going to be incorporating them into sexy time where they could come into contact with, ahem, sensitive areas. Do not go to Walmart and pick up a bottle of Ylang Ylang because there is a reason it’s so cheap and that reason is 1) chemicals or solvents could be used to extract the oils instead of using a natural distillation process or 2) fillers or synthetic oils are added to cut costs. Essential oils are extremely powerful and if you mess with the quality, you can hurt yourself.
I have done a lot of research and the only oils I trust 100% for quality come from Young Living. In fact, I’ve had so much success with Young Living oils that I turned it into a business because helping my family get healthier and empowering mamas to get rid of toxic chemicals and keep their families healthy has become my passion! You can read more about why I chose Young Living here.
Let’s get to the fun stuff. I personally have tried every single one of these oils and can report they work.
Ylang Ylang
This essential oil is distilled from a bright yellow flower grown in Eduador, and when one of my amazing team leaders led an oils for romance class last February, she talked about this oil a lot. Ylang Ylang can calm the mind and may also help lower blood pressure, and I’m sure you understand how important this is because we all know stress is a major cause of low libido–and no mama I know lives an entirely stress free life. This oil can be used in the diffuser or topically, rubbed along your inner thighs. I still have so much to learn about the chemistry behind Ylang Ylang so I can’t share with you exactly how it works, but the oil has a physiological effect on me when I use it topically–it’s not just that it smells good. It has such a rich, floral scent and also makes for a fantastic perfume.
Orange
If you struggle with low libido due to anxiety, this is the oil for you. Women can deal with anxiety caused by so many different factors: balancing work and marriage, trying to keep kids alive, managing finances, changing bodies… I’m sure you can come up with a long list of more too.
There’s this God-send of a woman in the essential oils world and she calls herself Lucy Libido, so you may be able to guess what her oily expertise is in. She shares this and honestly, I just couldn’t say it better:
“I have a BFF. After having a baby, she started to feel a bit…broken. She wanted to love her husband, she wanted to be intimate. All the *want* was up in her head and there was a big disconnect between her brain and *ahem* lady garden. No matter how good things felt, they just weren’t feeling good enough to finish satisfied. And that was frustrating for both of them. Fortunately in our Lucy group, we discovered the wonders Orange + Cypress on the inner thighs… Orange is AWESOME for frigidity…
…Orange is also good for the man, because it increases glutathione levels. This is because Orange contains high levels of citrol and d-limonene which stimulate glutathione production in the liver. Low levels of glutathione are linked to melting creamsicles. (She said it, not me!) … You can apply several drops topically near his liver, or he can ingest Orange Vitality daily.”
This ones pairs perfectly with Ylang Ylang in the diffuser or on inner thighs, or you can add Orange Vitality to anything chocolate. Double aphrodisiacs there!
Progessence Plus
When your hormones are out of balance, it messes up a lot of things. You could be left tired, sluggish, feeling unattractive, and most definitely not sexy. Progessence Plus is a Young Living blend developed by a doctor who specializes in women’s hormone issues, and when testing women who came to see him, almost all of them had low progesterone or ZERO progesterone. This is a problem, because progesterone is a hormone that our body needs in adequate amounts for our libido and overall wellness, and our levels tend to decrease with age and after childbirth. Progessence Plus naturally (which is so important–you never ever ever want to put synthetic hormones in your body!) helps balance your hormonal levels. I’ve been using this oil daily for about six months and you literally can’t imagine how drastically it’s helped. Balanced hormones = a libido that works.
Shutran
Remember how above we talked about pheromones, the chemicals our bodies secrete that can boost sexual attraction? Shutran is a blend of oils created by Young Living specifically to catch a lady’s attention. Seriously. The scent is fantastic–very woodsy and earthy yet also very balanced–but reason it works is that the chemical constituents inside this oil literally affect a woman’s brain. Pheromones, friends. My husband uses this as a cologne regularly to help balance his own hormones and boost confidence but he’s not allowed to wear it to work because guys, the pheromone effect is real. Trust me on this one.
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be special. Look, I understand–life still happens, even on V-Day. Babysitters are expensive. The kids don’t go down until 9 and then you’re too tired to even sit up, let alone jump around in the hay. Maybe you’re just not really at a stage of life where sexy time is a thing. There’s all sorts of reasons why Valentine’s Day may not be special but let me finish off this post by saying this:
Your husband is special.
When you married him, you made a committment to him that you would cherish him. Some of you have husbands who don’t care for or cherish you, and friend, that leaves me truly heartbroken. No wife, no person at all, should ever feel that way, but I understand that in a broken world full of broken marriages it happens. But even if you don’t feel cherished, you can still choose to cherish your husbands. Of course some of you have circumstances I can’t even begin to understand, but others are simply in the midst of a dry spell where you’re not really that interested and Valentine’s Day is just another day.
Then this post is for you.
Yes, it is just another day–but it’s also the only day of the year that is recognized worldwide as a chance to show your love and appreciation for the one you care about most. Your husband is worth that effort, dear friend. We’ve been in places where all our marriage needed was for one person to step up and break the cycle of not caring, and what better day to do that than February 14th?
You don’t really feel like it? Yep, I’ve been there too. That’s why I wrote this post–to help you, dear friends, who are struggling with that disconnect. There is science behind this stuff!
There are still two more days, and you have 26 fantastic aphrodisiac foods to work with. Shari’s Berries sells all sorts of delicious chocolates and berries as well as beautiful flowers–go order something from them, or leave a little hint to your husband. I can’t get you essential oils in two days but I can get them to you pretty darn fast and you can tell your husband all about the fun you’ll have in store once the love juice you ordered arrives.
Just don’t allow Valentine’s Day to be the same as every other day for lack of desire. Special doesn’t have to mean fancy or expensive or even different, just as long as you enjoy it together.
Now go, friends! Make a chocolate cherry cake, full of vanilla and garnished with cinnamon and pomegranate seeds, and fill the diffuser with Orange and Ylang Ylang.
Then get ready for a night you won’t soon forget.